Feel Like Christmas?

Late Christmas Day, my wife commented to me that it didn't feel like Christmas.  I agreed with her and it got me wondering why and I ended up asking myself two questions.

The first was, "Why didn't it feel like Christmas?"  I think I have the answer to that question. After spending 11 hours at Church on Christmas Eve, participating in four Christmas Eve services, then driving 3 1/2 hours to my mom's place (half of it through blowing snow), arriving just before 1 am, getting to bed at 2 am, then getting up late Christmas morning, unwrapping presents, wolfing down a big turkey dinner, watching two movies and crashing totally exhausted that night, I didn't have time to feel anything much more than frantic exhaustion.

When I think about it, it hasn't felt like Christmas in years, especially since being on staff at a church.  November and December are just one big blur of activity leading up to Christmas Eve and by the time Christmas Day arrives I am tired and my only desire is to crash.  Which leads to my second question, "What is Christmas supposed to feel like?"

I don't have the answer to this question.  If I look at Mary and Joseph, my Christmas looks rather laid back.  They had nine months of mystery, confusion and nasty rumours. Mary spent most of that time at her cousin's place.  They had to travel to Bethlehem with Mary full term in her pregnancy, camp out in a stable while she gave birth, have their privacy invaded by shepherds and kings and eventually they had to get out of town and head to Egypt.  I'm not sure that they had warm fuzzy expectations about Christmas. 

In fact when it comes down to it, they felt, what they felt, when they had to feel it, because of the particular circumstances they were in.  At times their feelings would have been a reaction to their situation and at other times they probably tried to rise above their circumstances and choose to feel hope, or peace or whatever.  Their emotions would have run the complete gamut from fear, to awe, to hope, to confusion, to anger, to joy. 

Maybe, that is what Christmas is supposed to "feel" like.  In fact maybe Christmas is not about feelings at all.  Maybe, it is simply something real that takes place and how we feel about it is how we react and interact with that reality.  Maybe, our feelings are secondary.  It didn't matter how Mary, or Joseph, or the people of Nazareth, or Caesar, or any of the others felt.  It only mattered what they did with it.  The Bible says that Mary treasured these things and pondered them in her heart.  Maybe, emotional exhaustion is alright, as long as I choose to treasure these things and reflect on what they truly mean.

Top 10 LIST

I read somewhere that, if you want to attract readers, you should publish LISTS. Apparently, people love to read LISTS - which is why you are reading this LIST post. So, I thought I would publish a top ten LIST of the reasons why you shouldn't post a top ten LIST.


The Top Ten Reason For NOT Publishing a Top Ten LIST
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10. Seven of the top 10 reasons are so lame no one laughs.
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9. You can't publish a list without having to insert a celebrity's name.
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8. - 2. These are the seven really lame reasons, so I am sparing you.
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1. Oprah!

Not Really Communicating

I posted a link to my Blog on my Facebook Page, which surprised one of my daughters. She asked why I had a Blog - she also wrote, "who R u? lol". I explained that I was at a church communicators conference and they said that a Communications Pastor should have a Blog. The idea is that I should blog about stuff that is relevant to the church that I serve at and advertise the Blog , so that people at the church can go online and see what I have to say.

That all seems reasonable, except for the fact that so far I haven't written anything of relevance to the people at my church and except for noting that I have a Blog on my Facebook Page (which only 16 people have access to - none of which go to my church), I haven't advertised that I have a Blog. So, that brings the discussion back full circle - Why do I have a Blog?

If I ever figure that out you will be the first to know.

Which brings up an important issue - who is reading this Blog. I downloaded somekind of Google program that tracks usage and lacking a degree in computer programming, I have no clue how to add a sitemap so that it can track my pages. I have read the help pages, but they are in a completely foreign language to me. So, not willing to spend the next six months learning how to code HTML or XML or whatever it is they want, I can only hope that people will leave comments, since I can't get the tracking software to do much more than list out undecipherable statistics about heaven knows what!

No Time To Do

I find that the older I get, the less time I seem to have.  A little over six years ago we moved to a new city, because I had changed jobs.  For two weeks we stayed in an apartment, while we waited for our house purchase to close.  During those two weeks I had no To-Do lists.  There was nothing to do around the apartment and I was up to my eyeballs in meetings with my new job, so I didn't have time to put together a To-Do list.  It was wonderful!  My time was mine, without the guilt of feeling obliged to do something.

Now I rate a day as successful or satisfactory or fulfilling or whatever, by how many items I check off my To-Do list.  I start each day, even my day off work, by creating a list of items to accomplish.  If I don't check off many items, I go to bed dissatisfied.  If I play hooky and don't make a list, I feel guilty.  My mantra for years has been "being, not doing", but I'm a hypocrite, because I measure my life, by the things I do.

I never seem to have time, because I am always either engaged in doing something, or feeling guilty because I'm not doing something.  I know that my lists are far too long, but I don't want to give anything up.  And, then I complain.

I know that there is this big trend towards simplifying our lives, but I don't want a simpler life, just one where I don't feel guilty about those things that I have assigned myself to do and haven't gotten to.  I think that simplicity comes, not from eliminating items on the list, as much as it comes from being patient about the ones, that you just can't get to, yet.

Yesterday, I finishing rebuilding a travel guitar that I had made 8 years ago.  She has never played very well, and I knew that I would have to do some major work on her - her name is Gabriella ("Gaby").  I have felt guilty for years, for not getting around to fixing Gaby.  I finally had the time these past three weeks and now she is done and tomorrow she makes her debut at church - I'm playing Hey Jude on her.  I realized as I was working on Gaby, now was finally the time that I could give to rebuilding her.  My problem wasn't the 8 year gap, nor was it the time I took to rebuild her.  The problem was feeling obliged and guilty during those 8 years, rather then just accepting that it wasn't yet the time to work on her.

So, my next To-Do item, is to relax and not get all hung up about the massive list of things I have yet to get to.  Their day will come.  Now, where is that list ;-)

Liberal Evangelical

It's been really tough for me to watch the election in the United States. We had a federal election in Canada, back in October, and during the campaign they interviewed Canadians from all across the country about the Canadian vs. American election. One person in Windsor, which is right across the river from Detroit, said that he was following the American election, because it was going to have a greater impact on people in Windsor, than the Canadian election. What is scary, is I don't think he was too far off the mark .

Anyway, it has been tough for me, because I feel constrained in talking about my views. You see I am a Liberal (I spell that with a capital "L", because Liberal designates a political party in Canada, and not just a political position), and I am also a conservative evangelical Christian. It is a pretty lonely and somewhat conflicted position, at times. While I don't share many of the moral values of the Liberal party, I do share their value of caring for people - it just seems a little more Biblical, then the more conservative position of every man for himself.

I have appreciated John McCain, for many years, precisely, because he didn't fall entirely into the normal Republican mold, which of course is why he was not particularly popular with his own party. But, if I had lived just a couple of miles further north (Windsor is south of Detroit), I would have voted for Obama. I don't agree with some of the things he stands for, but I have not been particularly impressed with what has gone on for the past eight years, much of it with this vague connection to Christ. Personally, I'd rather "render unto Caesar", and get on with the business of loving God, my neighbours and myself and making disciples of all nations. But, politics can get in the way of that.

I pray that the next four years will be a little more sane, a little more caring and a little less harsh than the past eight. Who knows, just maybe God can work in this, or maybe we who love Christ can get on with what is eternally important and not get sucked into temporal stuff.

I want to add that we Canadians, in spite of all of the global American bashing that goes on, appreciate the liberty and freedom that the USA has stood for and the warm generousity of American people. God bless you.

DR Congo 5.4 Million Dead

I don't know if you follow international news, but you need to pay attention to what is happening in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. The events taking place there are part of one of the greatest ongoing human disasters of our lifetime. In the past decade 5.4 million Congolese have died because of the ongoing civil war.

Right now the city of Goma in eastern Congo (right on the border of Rwanda) is in the news. This isn't the first time Goma has been in the news. In 1994, 1 million refugees from Rwanda settled into Goma. I remember it well because I was in those camps in 1995. Goma made the news again in 1997, when a civil war swept through the city and the surrounding refugee camps. Thousands were killed and the refugees were driven out of the camps, into the bush and back across the border into Rwanda.

Goma is a very dreary city. It is at the base of a chain of volcanoes and the town and surrounding countryside is the charcoal colour of the lava that has so often flowed from those volcanoes. In 2002 Mount Nyiragongo erupted and Goma made the news again. This time the lava flow went right through town. I remember walking around a church in Goma. It was 'V' shaped with the point of the 'V' facing the volcano. It was explained to me that the church was built this way so that the lava would flow around it - it didn't work. The church along with most of the city was wiped out.

Goma continues to periodically make the news because of the ongoing civil war. It is in the news again, because the war has intensified. What is tragic is that no one seems to care about the 5.4 million people who have died in the past decade. I can't think of a greater tragedy - Darfur?, Korea?, Burma?, Somalia? - even Rwanda didn't see this level of unnecessary death.

I travelled through Goma, Nynkundi, Likati, Bunia, etc. and what breaks my heart is that many of the people I met are dead, their homes pillaged, the women raped and nothing has been done.

Shame on us!

Talking To Myself

I'll never forget when I first discovered that I talk out loud to myself. Actually, I didn't discover it, it was pointed out to me. I was sharing an office with someone who kept asking me what I said, and of course I had no idea I said anything at all. They would get really confused, because they were never sure if I was talking to them, or asking myself why my computer didn't know that I didn't mean to erase half my files. They pointed out to me that I did this all the time. I apologized, but it continued. That was many years and a whole lot of self-conversations ago.

I still continue to talk to myself, but now I am quite aware of it - at least some of the time. I don't share an office, so there is no one to bother, but sometimes I get looks when I am riding my motorcycle. I forget that there are no windows to block my observations of how other people drive. Trust me on a motorcycle you have plenty of opportunities to closely observe other people's driving - too closely.

I don't get too hung up about talking to myself. I limit it to mostly one way monologues - not too many full conversations. Sometimes I deliberately talk out loud. I find if I have to remember a phone number or some brief piece of information, I repeat it out loud and I can hang on to it for a few minutes. I get some pretty strange looks running out of my office repeating over and over again - 33" by 48", 33" by 48", 33"x ahhhhhh! What was that number?

I am in introvert, so I spend a lot of my time inside my head. Most of the time I enjoy my little self talks. We all talk to ourselves, maybe not out loud, but we still generate a lot of self-talk. Because I spend so much time in my head, I have to watch my self talk. It can get quite negative. It's rather funny when you think about it. I have an opportunity to brag about myself to myself and instead I choose to self-destruct. It really leaves you wondering what is wrong with us. I think Mark Twain said it well - "Life does not consist mainly—or even largely—of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one’s head." My storms border on hurricane levels, maybe yours does too.

Nobody Cares!

When I set up this Blog, I had a great revelation. Nobody cares!
I created this Blog and went on to other things. When I came back I was notified that I hadn't verified the Blog. I checked my Hotmail account, where the verification email was supposed to go, and there was nothing there. I selected Resend and still nothing. And, despite the fact that repeating the same action over again and expecting a different result is a sign of madness, I selected Resend several more times. So, tried to fix the problem
First, I tried to convince Hotmail that it was alright to receive something from Google. Do you know that you can't enter a Google Accounts email address as a valid email in your contacts? Hotmail won't let you! I went looking for somebody to contact and if there is a direct line to Seattle, it was not evident.
Then I tried Google Accounts Help and after searching for a solution, I read the notice that they only provide email support for "Login and Access, Abuse and Bugs". And even though I felt abused by this time, I knew that emailing Google would be a waste of time.
This is when I had my great revelation - nobody cares. What is one more Hotmail address to Microsoft. And, Google isn't interested if I Blog, or not. After all isn't this just an exercise in narcissism?
Now, I recognize that there are millions of us emailing and blogging and that supporting us individually is a logistical nightmare, but somehow I feel diminished. I took a course in counseling and I remember being told that no matter how petty or insignificant a client's problem may seem, don't play it down. For them it is overwhelming and painful. Maybe this rant is just another petty complaint, but for me it was frustrating. Not just the fact that I couldn't verify my new Blog, but that I couldn't find the solution that I wanted, nor get any kind of direct help. Nobody cares.
Oh, in case you're wondering what the solution was - I now have a brand new gmail address. Hey, if you know how to get Hotmail to receive Google Accounts email let me know, or maybe this a conspiracy?

Testing

This is a test . . .

I have been a blogger for over two years and I am finally posting something.

It would appear that after two years, I still have nothing to say!