Talking To Myself

I'll never forget when I first discovered that I talk out loud to myself. Actually, I didn't discover it, it was pointed out to me. I was sharing an office with someone who kept asking me what I said, and of course I had no idea I said anything at all. They would get really confused, because they were never sure if I was talking to them, or asking myself why my computer didn't know that I didn't mean to erase half my files. They pointed out to me that I did this all the time. I apologized, but it continued. That was many years and a whole lot of self-conversations ago.

I still continue to talk to myself, but now I am quite aware of it - at least some of the time. I don't share an office, so there is no one to bother, but sometimes I get looks when I am riding my motorcycle. I forget that there are no windows to block my observations of how other people drive. Trust me on a motorcycle you have plenty of opportunities to closely observe other people's driving - too closely.

I don't get too hung up about talking to myself. I limit it to mostly one way monologues - not too many full conversations. Sometimes I deliberately talk out loud. I find if I have to remember a phone number or some brief piece of information, I repeat it out loud and I can hang on to it for a few minutes. I get some pretty strange looks running out of my office repeating over and over again - 33" by 48", 33" by 48", 33"x ahhhhhh! What was that number?

I am in introvert, so I spend a lot of my time inside my head. Most of the time I enjoy my little self talks. We all talk to ourselves, maybe not out loud, but we still generate a lot of self-talk. Because I spend so much time in my head, I have to watch my self talk. It can get quite negative. It's rather funny when you think about it. I have an opportunity to brag about myself to myself and instead I choose to self-destruct. It really leaves you wondering what is wrong with us. I think Mark Twain said it well - "Life does not consist mainly—or even largely—of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one’s head." My storms border on hurricane levels, maybe yours does too.

Nobody Cares!

When I set up this Blog, I had a great revelation. Nobody cares!
I created this Blog and went on to other things. When I came back I was notified that I hadn't verified the Blog. I checked my Hotmail account, where the verification email was supposed to go, and there was nothing there. I selected Resend and still nothing. And, despite the fact that repeating the same action over again and expecting a different result is a sign of madness, I selected Resend several more times. So, tried to fix the problem
First, I tried to convince Hotmail that it was alright to receive something from Google. Do you know that you can't enter a Google Accounts email address as a valid email in your contacts? Hotmail won't let you! I went looking for somebody to contact and if there is a direct line to Seattle, it was not evident.
Then I tried Google Accounts Help and after searching for a solution, I read the notice that they only provide email support for "Login and Access, Abuse and Bugs". And even though I felt abused by this time, I knew that emailing Google would be a waste of time.
This is when I had my great revelation - nobody cares. What is one more Hotmail address to Microsoft. And, Google isn't interested if I Blog, or not. After all isn't this just an exercise in narcissism?
Now, I recognize that there are millions of us emailing and blogging and that supporting us individually is a logistical nightmare, but somehow I feel diminished. I took a course in counseling and I remember being told that no matter how petty or insignificant a client's problem may seem, don't play it down. For them it is overwhelming and painful. Maybe this rant is just another petty complaint, but for me it was frustrating. Not just the fact that I couldn't verify my new Blog, but that I couldn't find the solution that I wanted, nor get any kind of direct help. Nobody cares.
Oh, in case you're wondering what the solution was - I now have a brand new gmail address. Hey, if you know how to get Hotmail to receive Google Accounts email let me know, or maybe this a conspiracy?

Testing

This is a test . . .

I have been a blogger for over two years and I am finally posting something.

It would appear that after two years, I still have nothing to say!